Inside the Series: Soul Society Edition
by Titan Nerd 68
Summary: A follow up to the first. If you liked the first, you'll probably like this one.
1. Abarai Renji: Part I

Inside the Series: Soul Society Edition

Because people wanted to see me interview others and the first one is wrapping up, I decided I'd do this one. It's just like the others. I own none of the characters I torture. I feel like Renji is the frontman for the Soul Society, so I'm starting with him. I will do all captains, most lieutenants, and some others. Read for yourself.

Abarai Renji: Part I

* * *

"Welcome to my show!" said Charles. "We are expanding the _Bleach _segment and going into the Soul Society. And I am here with perhaps one of the best known faces of the Soul Society, Lieutenant Abarai Renji. In our poll, Renji, you ranked at the third most popular character."

"Okay," said Renji as he sat down and shook Charles's hand. "Out of curiosity, who were the first two?"

"Byakuya was second and Kisuke was first."

"And why am I the first interview?"

"Renji, I voted illegally multiple times to get you to third. But that was before I found out that the interview schedule is completely up to me."

"I see."

"So, I hear you smoke a lot of cigarettes. Is that true?"

"It's true," said Renji as he lit one up. "But I lead a very stressful life. Acting, killing Hollows, enforcing rules. It was smoking cigarettes or shooting cows with a crossbow, and the latter is not unhealthy, so I smoke two packs before I smoke two packs."

"And then you smoke two more."

"Yeah. There's more to it, though. I hate my boss, I love his sister, and I think my life sucks. And my girlfriend is a bitch."

"Ah, yes, I've heard you're dating. Congrats. Or maybe not. Who is she?"

"Mei Ling."

"From _Metal Gear Solid_?"

"Yes."

"Wow. She is not your type."

"Oh, who is, then? Otacon?"

"No, you're more a Sasuke type if you're gay. If you're straight, I'd put you with Kelly Clarkson."

"And if I'm bisexual?"

"Morgan Freeman and Phyllis Diller."

"That's disgusting."

"Pedophile match up is R Kelly."

"Thank you, Charles."

"Porn star match up is Jenna Haze."

"That's enough."

"Okay. So, I've heard you dislike _Hellsing_. Is that true?"

"It's a little of a stretch, but I will not deny that Alucard still owes me seventy dollars!"

"But do you hate _Hellsing_?"

"No. But I do hate Izuru."

"Why?"

"He's an alcoholic crack addict." Renji lit another cigarette. "There was one time *cough* where he *cough* was *coughcough* so drunk and stoned *coughhack!* that he was doing *cough* the Macarena and he *coughing fit!* said something about *hack* how much he wanted to get with Megaman." Renji spat on the floor. "Sorry."

"You'd better be," said Charles. "I just paid a too large sum of money to get my stage cleaned and shined."

"You paid Momo to fuck her and then have her clean and shine the stage with your mixed fluids while you got dressed for this show."

"You must admit the stage has a nice shine to it."

"You paid Momo twenty cents."

"Doesn't change the fact that you spat on my clean stage. Clean it up."

"Fuck you."

"Okay." Charles hit a button on his remote and a hammer whacked Renji on the head. "I'll use him as a mop. Tune in when I have my studio session with Captain Ichimaru."

* * *

The next one will have an awkward moment. You've been warned.


	2. Ichimaru Gin: Part I

Inside the Series: Soul Society Edition

Because people wanted to see me interview others and the first one is wrapping up, I decided I'd do this one. It's just like the others. I own none of the characters I torture. I feel like Renji is the frontman for the Soul Society, so I'm starting with him. I will do all captains, most lieutenants, and some others. Read for yourself.

Ichimaru Gin: Part I

* * *

"Welcome, Captain Ichimaru!" said Charles.

"Thank you," said Gin. "I think you and I are going to get along. Famously. Someone ask a question."

"Yes," said Charles. "Our first question is from Maurice Johnson."

"Do you like pornography?" asked Maurice Johnson.

"I do," said Gin. "Sadly, it takes a toll on my spiritual energy."

"Ah, so it's true about size," said Charles. "Because your zanpaku-to is rather small most of the time."

"What are you talking about?" Gin asked. "I lose a little energy every time I cum, and because I'm usually beating it every hour on the hour, or at least any time I'm not doing something super important."

"Well, that kills any snappy commentary I had," said Charles. "Second question is from Midori."

"You still owe me a duel," said Midori.

"Midori, if I can beat you at _Rock Band 2, _I can sure as hell beat you in your game," said Gin. "Sit down."

"Just so you know," said Charles, "I give the commands, as I am the host and you're the guest."

"True," said Gin with a smile. "I am well aware of the authoritarian balance here. But I believe that I am armed and you are not."

"Yeah, sorry," said Charles. "Oh, you were finished. Well, then allow me to retort. Does he look like a bitch?"

"What?" Gin asked.

"Third question is from Brendan St. Gregory."

"Would you name your child Philip?" asked Brendan St. Gregory.

"Only if it's a boy," said Gin.

"Really?" asked Charles. "Because I always thought you'd name a male child something like Dana."

"That's a good name, too," said Gin. "Dana really is a male name sometimes."

"Uh huh, yeah."

"No, really. Ever heard of Dana Carvey."

"Yeah, wasn't she on SNL?"

"Yes, he was on SNL."

"What?"

"Dana Carvey is a man."

"Fuck! Now I owe Kenpachi three cents!"

"I was the witness to your bet, Charles. You owe him thirteen cents."

"Shut up. Fourth question is from Ed Elric."

"Captain Ichimaru Gin," said Ed, "Over the course of your professional life, you have..."

"Mr Elric, time's up," said Charles. "Fifth question is from..."

"Al, release the anvil," said Ed.

"Mr. Elric, please feel free to complete your question."

"Before Mr. Tool interrupted me, Captain," Ed patiently continued, "You have been offered slots in _Dragonball, That '70s Show, SNL, Unbeatable Banzuke, Tekken 5, the Soul Calibur series, Caddyshack, Star Wars III, Pikmin, Pokemon, Megaman X4, The Drew Carey Show, _and you were offered the chance to play guitar for Twisted Sister. Why'd you choose _Bleach _of all productions?"

"Well, I'm flattered," said Gin. "While I won't brag about my extensive popularity, it's really as simple as the fact that I already had my job as a Soul Reaper, so when the events in _Bleach _happened, I was already there. But you got a fact twisted. It was Lieutenant Hisagi who almost played guitar for Twisted Sister. I was almost the drummer for Def Leppard."

"Sounds interesting," said Charles. "I am legitimately impressed, Gin. Fifth question is from Evan Roarmsley."

"How did Rick Allen end up drumming for Def Leppard?"

"Well," said Gin, "Rick and I were drummers of equal skill at the time. I've certainly slacked off having taken a different job, so he's definitely better than I am now. But yeah, at the time, he was as good as I, I was as good as he, and so a drum off would of course have been no good. So we decided on arm wrestling."

The whole studio fell silent as everyone looked awkwardly at Gin.

"No comment," said Charles after a minute and thirty-four seconds. "Sixth question is from Rush Limbaugh."

"It has come to my knowledge, Captain Ichimaru," said Rush, "That you voted for that failure-to-be of a president Barack Obama. Why?"

"I didn't vote for him because I'm not American," said Gin. "But if I was, I would vote for him because I don't have to worry about him keeling over three days in. I certainly wish I had that man's voice, though."

"Okay," said Charles. "Seventh question is from Dylan Spear."

"Do you know how to open this pickle jar?"

"Righty tighty," said Gin.

"Like your mom!" Charles laughed.

"Charles, my mom died six years ago of RVR."

"And that is?"

"Romanian vaginal rot. It's inherited, so I'm glad I don't have a vagina. I just hope I don't have any daughters."

"Well, your resume does say that you don't have a vagina, and so does your face."

"Yes, I would be a very ugly girl, wouldn't I?"

"Ugly girl, hell, you're an ugly-ass dude. Eighth question is from Jack Jeebs."

"Are you allergic to shellfish?" Jeebs asked.

"Deathly," said Gin.

"You heard it here," said Charles. "Tune in next time for my public encounter with Ganju."

* * *

I warned you of the awkward moment. If you're a Def Leppard fan, please don't kill me.


	3. Shiba Ganju

Inside the Series: Soul Society Edition

Because people wanted to see me interview others and the first one is wrapping up, I decided I'd do this one. It's just like the others. I own none of the characters I torture. I feel like Renji is the frontman for the Soul Society, so I'm starting with him. I will do all captains, most lieutenants, and some others. Read for yourself.

Shiba Ganju: Part I

* * *

"Welcome to Inside the Series," said Charles. "Before I show the tape, I would like to warn our more sensitive viewers that this is a little rough."

_kghgkgkhgkghkghgkhgkgkkhggkt!_

"Okay," said Charles. "I am going to see if I can go into the bathroom here and see Ganju taking a shower."

Charles snuck up to the shower. He heard Ganju singing as he cleaned himself.

"I just wanna let you know now," said Charles, "I had a little too much to drink. So let's be real careful."

"Who's out there?" Ganju asked. He pulled back the curtain, but Charles and the cameras had enough sense to hide. "Guess my voice echoes. Ooooohhhhoooo, we're halfway there!"

"God, his voice is awful," said Charles. "But not like tomorrow's public encounter with Izuru. That man's voice is awful."

"Okay, someone's out there," said Ganju. "Show yourself."

"I'm not here," said Charles.

"Then you must be there," said Ganju as he jumped out of the shower. No one was around. "Must be my imagination."

"Hello, Ganju," said Charles. Ganju jumped a mile as he got back into his shower, slipping and falling on his ass.

"What the fuck are you doing in my shower?" Ganju asked. "And where did you find my lucky loofah, and why are you wiping your crotch with it?"

"My crotch needs luck," said Charles. "So, tell me, I hear you're quite the clean one."

"Yes, I take three showers a day. One after each meal."

"Little bit of a germaphobe, are we?"

"Well, I guess. But I do...wait a minute, why are you still in my shower?"

"And I heard you were Jewish, but I see that's not true."

"I don't know where you heard that, but..."

"And I've also heard you're a member of the Member Society."

"What?"

"Aren't those all the men who go and get a certain crest grafted onto their penises so they can meet once a month and brag about it? I don't see a graft. Is it under the foreskin?"

"Get out! Get the fuck out of my shower!"

"Okay," said Charles. "And as I said, tune in for my public encounter with Izuru."

"Get the fuck out of my house!"

* * *

You were waiting, so here it is, rock you like a hurricane. More stuff coming when my evil twin and I can sit down and think these things out.


End file.
